We're So Screwed: The miniseries

One of my favorite science fiction TV series is the Australian-American classic Farscape.  Over four entertaining seasons spread across the millennial break, it chronicled the exploits of Ben Crichton, an astronaut stranded thousands (if not millions) of light-years from Earth.  In a region of space dominated by mutually hostile states, he survived in coalition with local outcasts, all of whom reside in a living spaceship.  In the last season, Crichton found a way back to Earth, drawing the attention of his worst enemies.  They close in on him -- and galactic domination -- in a climactic, three-part episode called, "We're So Screwed."  Somehow, Crichton and his friends escape, but not before the villains win some important victories.

"We're So Screwed."  It could describe the modern United States (aquatic oil gusher, anyone?), or it could refer to just the Americans' just-concluded trip through the first round of the World Cup.  Consider:

• Against England, the Stars and Stripes conceded yet another early goal.  We Were So Screwed.  Only Robert Green's spectacular effort saved the Yanks' bacon:

• Lost in the commotion over the blown call that cost the U.S. a win over Slovenia was the fact that the Americans played such a disastrous first half.  The Slovenians went out to a 2-0 halftime lead, and again:  We Were So Screwed.  That draw was both a bitter disappointment and a minor miracle.
• Last night, the U.S. team showed up promptly against Algeria, but that wasn't counting for much.  The U.S. got most of the good shots, but nothing would go into the Algerian net.  With England leading Slovenia in the other group game, it appeared that the U.S. was headed for an early exit.

I'm watching this at home, so I had my remote set up to switch between the two matches.  At the 89-minute mark of the USA-Algeria match, I had little hope.

Click.  England and Slovenia wind down.  I watch the last minute, hoping the Slovenians would equalize.  Nothing.  We're So Screwed.


Click.  This is what showed up on my TV screen:

Milliseconds on one side of the final England whistle, Landon Donovan has scored the winning goal.  Like John Crichton and his friends escaping from the Skarrans, the Stars and Stripes had eluded doom for the third time in two weeks.  There was nothing left for me to do but jump and scream for joy across the living room.

Final score:  USA 1-0 Algeria.  The Yanks didn't just survive, they won their group for the first time since 1930.  Their reward?  A Saturday-night grudge match with a fully operational Ghana squad, last survivor of the six-team African contingent.

We're so screwed.

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