The AFC West scenario generated by Victory Weighting this season got even more dramatic, thanks to the, um, re-humanization of Tim Tebow last Saturday in Buffalo. The most obvious evidence is reflected in the standings:
Official
AFC West
W-L
Denver
8-7
Oakland
8-7
San Diego
7-8
Kansas City
6-9
Victory Weighted
AFC West
Strength
W-L
Oakland
31
8-7
San Diego
30
7-8
Denver
29
8-7
Kansas City
24
6-9
In the official playoff scenario:
Oakland can still qualify as an AFC wild card (but Denver cannot).
San Diego is eliminated, because the Chargers would lose any tiebreaker with Oakland or Denver.
Denver wins the division with a win or tie, or an Oakland loss or tie.
Under Victory Weighting, though, the situation is far different, in large part because everyone in the NFL is engaged in divisional play this week.
Oakland could not qualify as a wild card, because it cannot match sixth-seeded Cincinnati's 36 Strength.
The San Diego-Oakland game would essentially function as a play-in game, with the winner capturing the AFC West. A tie favors the Raiders unless Denver wins in regulation.
Denver would qualify only with a regulation win and a Charger-Raider tie. Any other combination would eliminate the Broncos.
With Oakland removed from it, the Victory Weighted AFC wild-card race would also simplify. Cincinnati qualifies outright with even an overtime loss to Baltimore.
If the Bengals do lose in regulation, then Tennessee and the New York Jets become eligible with regulation wins.
Neither the Titans or Jets wins in regulation:Cincinnati advances outright.
Only the Titans win in regulation: The Bengals defeated the Titans, 24-17, in Week 9. Cincinnati advances.
Only the Jets win in regulation: The Bengals and Jets did not meet, but the Jets would have 28 Strength over AFC games, while the Bengals would have only 24. New York Jets advance.
Both the Titans and Jets win in regulation: The Bengals are eliminated with the lowest Strength over AFC games (24). The Titans and Jets, who did not meet this season, would each have 28 Strength (7-5) over AFC games. Then, the Titans win the common-opponent tiebreaker over the Jets. Tennessee advances.
I know that not many people have been viewing my Victory Weighting posts, but this is the best time of year for one. This year is pretty quiet, with only four teams directly affected, but my little standings system would wreak the most havoc about right now.
To quickly review: Victory Weighting assigns up to four points per game to each team, depending on whether
the team won, lost or tied and
the game required overtime (indeed, it's overtime that the system weights.)
Teams are then ranked by total Strength over the season, with winning percentage providing the first tiebreaker. A full explanation of the system appears on the Victory Weighting page.
Who's being affected the most?
Denver (Strength 29, 8-6) and San Diego (Strength 30, 7-7)
Officially, the Broncos lead the AFC West with the division's best winning percentage. Most 8-win teams have Strength 32, but three of the Broncos's wins -- all under the new Tim Tebow regime -- came in overtime. That reduces the Broncos' Strength score to 29.
By contrast, San Diego stands at 7-7, officially second in the AFC West. Two Charger losses, including one to Denver, also came in overtime, so the Chargers's Strength score has increased from 28 to 30.
Since Victory Weighting ranks teams by Strength, the Broncos would actually be trailing the Chargers. Maybe Tebow wouldn't be getting so much worship over on ESPN. This may seem wrong, but remember: it's the four overtime games involved here that are being "weighted." Tebow-Fascist Zombie Brigade™ protests notwithstanding, Victory Weighting is working as I intended it.
Arizona (Strength 25, 7-7)
Like the Broncos, the Cardinals are 3-0 in overtime games. That reduces their Strength from 28 (the standard for 7-win teams) to 25. Unfortunately, it also means that the Cardinals can end the season with (at best) Strength 33, two less than current sixth-seed Detroit. Victory Weighting would thus eliminate the Cardinals, who are still officially in contention for a wild-card bid, from the playoffs.
Atlanta (Strength 37, 9-5)
Officially, the Falcons haven't secured a playoff bid. Victory Weighting wouldn't qualify them right now, but it would make their life much easier. Right now, Chicago, Seattle, the New York Giants and Arizona -- all 7-7 -- all threaten the Falcons' playoff position. Under Victory Weighting, Arizona is eliminated, and neither Seattle nor the Giants (both Strength 28) can overtake the Falcons. That would leave the fading Bears (Strength 29) as the only team that can still eliminate the Falcons. Even another overtime result in New Orleans this weekend would clinch a playoff bid. Merry Christmas, Atlanta.
Introducing the All-Gigli Team! Believe it or not, there are fantasy-football leagues where the object is to create the worst team possible. Unfortunately, I didn't play in such a league, so where could I put players who absolutely, positively failed my teams at critical times? Why, in a team named after one of the worst box-office flops ever. My tight ends and defenses all did a great job when called to duty, so two extra spots opened for more players who hurt the Fluttering Horde and/or the Ghost-Grey Cats. The more detailed excuses appear in the newly added All-Gigli page (click on the tab at the top of this page), but here's the quick list. Decide for yourself which of these suspects requires as much maintenance as Jennifer Lopez.
Quarterbacks: Curtis Painter (Ind)
Wide receivers: Pierre Garçon (Ind), Greg Little (Cle), James Jones (GB)
Running backs: Marion Barber (Chi), Ryan Grant (GB)
Tight ends: None; WR Julio Jones (Atl) awarded empty spot
Kicker: Shaun Suisham (Pit).
Defense/special teams: None; QB Mark Sanchez (NYJ) awarded empty spot
On the surface, this year's Bowl Championship Series selection has provided plenty of reasons to scrap the BCS:
The championship game itself: I'm so bitterly disappointed that Alabama and LSU will have a rematch, I plan on finding something else to watch one month hence, like a Squidbillies marathon. You could point to Oklahoma State's loss at lowly Iowa State -- but then you'd have to forget that the OSU community had suffered a major tragedy that morning. The Cowboys deserved extra credit for even showing up on the field in Ames, not scorn for losing. Even with that loss, OSU outpointed Alabama in five of the seven computer polls. No amount of honest voting should have overridden that. Score another one for big money.
The HokeyHokie Sugar Bowl: What on Earth are Virginia Tech and Michigan doing in a BCS bowl game, much less the same one? The BCS boys just invited a team that (a) lost the ACC final, 38-10, to overrated Clemson and (b) wasn't even as good as the Hokie squad that lost at (essentially) home to Boise State a year ago.
As for the Wolverines, I suppose that QB Denard Robinson deserved to play in a BCS bowl, and their case for BCS inclusion was stronger than VaTech's. But Boise State (Kellen Moore) and Baylor (Robert Griffin III) could make the same argument, and either would have been more convincing than the Maize and Blue.
The excuse we're being given is that Virginia Tech and Michigan both bring lots of supporters. The common buzz-phrase is "to travel well," but that's just yet more code for "these guys are richer" than the likes of BSU and Baylor. Yep, big money wins again.
But why not playoffs? So I've joined the thousands, if not millions, who've pointed out that big money has corrupted the BCS. But as the case of Penn State is showing us, big money has corrputed the whole of college athletics, especially the Football Bowl Subdivision. Playoffs for the FBS wouldn't solve that problem -- and I'm not convinced that they wouldn't exacerbate it.
A helpful miscue: It's funny how, in fantasy football, something that looks like a mistake turns out to be a brilliant move. Several weeks ago, I missed out on the chance to add Tampa Bay running back Earnest Graham to the Fluttering Horde. With trepidation, I claimed Dallas rookie DeMarco Murray instead.
Boy, howdy, did that ever work. On the same day Graham suffered a season-ending injury, Murray turned in a 253-yard, one-touchdown performance. He hasn't sat on the Horde bench since. With no downside remaining, I added Murray to the Ghost-Grey Cats the next week.
That mistake, missing out on Earnest Graham, has boosted both teams. Now back from an injured foot, Ahmad Bradshaw rejoins the Horde's powerful rushing troika with Murray and Darren Sproles. The Cats just lost Matt Forte, but because Murray's there to take his place alongside Arian Foster, they're likely to purr their way into the playoffs.
To be fair, when we were booing, flaming, and otherwise disrespecting him, Jay Cutler hadn't been playing well. We couldn't tell which was worse, Cutler or the linemen who were supposed to protect him. After some nice preseason performances and a near-miracle in last year's Super Bowl semifinal, Caleb Hanie looked like a great alternative.
But then offensive coordinator Mike Martz finally justified the salary the Bears are giving him. Finally abandoning his dream of recreating The Greatest Show on Turf, Martz shifted his emphasis onto workhorse running back Matt Forte, while convincing Cutler and his line to work much more closely. It wasn't the machine Aaron Rodgers is running in Green Bay, but the Bears had finally generated an efficient offense. For the first time, Bear fans could admit to actually liking Cutler.
Now that Cutler is out through the winter solstice, the Bears now depend on Hanie to see their run through to the playoffs. Yes, he looked good when Cutler didn't, but he hadn't had to run an offense for two games that counted. That changes this Sunday in Oakland. Fingers are crossed from the Indiana exurbs of Merrillville and Michigan City all the way around to the Wisconsin line. Brrrrr.
Outlook not so bad: Congratulations to the Los Angeles Galaxy on their latest Major League Soccer crown. The latest question for the league comes from the status of David Beckham: will he stay, or is it back to Europe for him? Some columnists think that MLS still needs Beckham, but I disagree.
The problem with arguments like this one made by NBC Sports' Michael Ventre is that it assumes that the sport hasn't made any advances in the U.S. since Beckham joined the Galaxy five years ago. Both the U.S. men's and women's teams made nice runs in their respective World Cup tournaments. Well known (if aging) stars like Thierry Henry, Freddy Ljungburg, Rafael Márquez and Roy Keane have made real contributions in their new MLS homes. Most importantly, expansion franchises have succeeded spectacularly in Philadelphia, Portland, Vancouver and especially Seattle. All of that isn't going to suddenly disappear just because one particularly glamourous Englishman left his club in Los Angeles.
Attention, SEC West woofers: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that LSU, Alabama and Arkansas are 1-2-3 in the BCS standings. I can understand why you SEC West fans are whooping it up, trying to mock the rest of us.
And I hope this makes up for the fact that, in men's basketball, your little division completely missed March Madness last year. Not a single SEC West team made the field of 68.
No, you can't count Texas A&M or Missouri. Try again next year.
Joe Paterno's last public act as a "legendary" football coach was to essentially beg the Penn State Board of Trustees for his job. Had he kept his mouth shut a week ago, he might have at least coached last Saturday's game against Nebraska. Instead, the trustees fired him and PSU president Graham Spanier for their role in the Jerry Sandusky child-rape scandal, which may now be spreading all the way to Texas.
Penn State was right to fire Paterno and Spanier, but the consequences shouldn't stop there. If even a fraction of what I have heard and read about this incident in the last week is true, then the university effectively harbored a serial sex offender while he was still committing crimes. The NCAA has imposed its vaunted "death penalty" on specific programs at specific schools for lesser violations, so Penn State would certainly be eligible for some form of that punishment. I'm not sure SMU-style sanctions are necessary -- those took out the entire Southwest Conference as collateral damage -- but it would be a good idea for 107,000-seat Beaver Stadium to sit idle for a season or two.
Also, a head or two should roll at a sports-media outlet or two. Jerry Sandusky was defensive coordinator for a team that won a national championship. Why didn't anyone ask out loud why he never became a head coach? On that count alone, this story should have broken out years ago.
A lot of people have wondered how this could have happened under Joe Paterno's vaunted watch. It's not my place to call Paterno a tyrant, but his power on the PSU campus did bring to mind something I heard on Chicago Public Radio's This American Life the Friday before the scandal broke. [So far, I can only comfortably call Paterno an arrogant fool, like Bobby Knight.] The crimes and victims are, of course different, but the media and police are just as clueless. Listen to "Petty Tyrant" below, and see the parallels between the Steve Raucci and Penn State stories for yourself.
As I noted last Friday, the English language allows nouns, even proper ones, to double as verbs. Of course, anyone with Internet access can google Google, and when 3-D printers become advanced enough, it should be possible (and with Xerox's permission, legal) to xerox a Xerox.
Now we can add "Tebow" to this list. The Tebow-Fascist Zombie Brigades™ have declared that ostentatiously praying in public is "tebowing," because Tim Tebow has done it so often on the football field. As it turns out, ...
... it is possible to tebow Tebow. Somehow, I suspect that this amuses Tim Tebow more than it offends him. Whatever floats your boat.
And there I sat, hoping to get a decent wideout for Tebow: To be fair, Colo Colo had its toughest lineup of the year. Even with one good receiver, the Ghost-Grey Cats would have struggled to win. But I really needed a good game from Tim Tebow. Instead, his value went down, taking my hopes for a decent receiver with it. Despite getting Michael Vick and Antonio Gates back, the Kittehs' receiving woes continued, causing a 97-87 loss.
While the Cats fell to 4-4, the Fluttering Horde rose to the same level. Kevin Walter continued to solidly spell Andre Johnson, the Buffalo Bills' kicker and defense performed brilliantly as bye-week substitutes, and the rest of the Horde starters (and Ahmad Bradshaw) kept being bad-asses. Only Dwayne Bowe's strong effort for Flying Hawai'ian prevented the Horde from doubling up yet another opponent. Instead, I had to "settle" for a 115-63 win.
Both teams are sit at .500, but only the Horde is set for a playoff run. The Horde is a serious threat even with Andre Johnson on the mend.
Episode 22: Time and Again First aired: 27 January 1974 Author: Ian Martin
A clock maker times the time:
And the last thing I heard that night... was the triumphant beat of the clock, sounding my inner ear. Or was it the sound of my heart? -- Ethan Vigil
Back in 2000, I was thrilled to learn that someone at a Pacific 12 university had posted almost the entire run of CBS Radio Mystery Theater. As a relatively affluent and experienced Internet user, I was happy to have an ultra-fast 56k modem with which to download. Sure, it took 45 minutes to pull in one episode; but at two (maybe even three!) a night, I could have the whole set loaded onto Zip cartridges sometime in 2003. Woo-hoo! Progress!
Well before then, I had downloaded my favorites, and even put a few of them on a CD I took to Chicago as 2000 came to a close. As usually happened every Christmas holiday season until 2003, my sisters brought their kids (and one grandchild), and we had a family reunion. My original plan was to listen to my freshly downloaded episodes on my father's computer his den, by myself. Now that the kids were also in town, I came up with a better idea.
One night just before the New Year, at a few minutes to midnight, I convinced three cousins -- aged 8, 8 and 6-1/2 -- to join me. While I sat at the computer, they formed a small arc behind me. As second- and third-graders, my nieces and nephew were too young for most horror stories, but "Time and Again" held exactly the right amount of terror and excitement for supervised kids that age. They shook and fidgeted with fear, combined with a grim, shared determination to stay until the end. To their credit, they stayed -- and then they asked me to play "Time and Again" for them again.
The youngest of them will graduate from high school next May, but all three still cherish the memory of that amusing night.
So far as I know, "Time and Again" is entirely original, but the if teaser has brought a Twilight Zoneepisode or two to mind, that would be easy to understand. Like the hyperlinked teleplays, Ian Martin's play, his fourth for Radio Mystery Theater, centers on someone who finds an object that can stop time. But only in "Time and Again" does the using that object exact a price.
Oddly enough, this story about time doesn't specify when the action takes place. It's certainly in the past, because host E.G. Marshall tells us that he's reading a note left behind from one Ethan Vigil (John Beal). The note quickly tells its reader that Ethan ekes out a living by making and repairing clocks. His work, in fact, doesn't pay the bills -- he has to share expenses and his home with his chronically ill wife Henrietta (Grace Matthews) and her hard-nosed sister Harriet (Bryna Raeburn). Even then, they've been able to wire a telephone into their residence, but must still rely on kerosene lanterns to fulfill their lighting needs. Some people have cars, but not the Vigils. All the clues point to a Prohibition-era urban setting, but nothing more definite.
As the story begins, Ethan has closed his shop for the night when a derelict barges in with an unusual clock with several unusual features -- including the number 13 at the top of its face. His decision to buy the clock draws Harriet's ire, not least because he's been burning too much kerosene for her comfort.
No matter how much Ethan tinkers with it, the clock itself refuses to work -- until sickly Henrietta sticks her hand in its hourglass-shaped case. The moment she pricks her finger inside the case, the clock starts. It runs, all right, but with a bizarre rhythm.
Like all the other working clocks, this one eventually strikes midnight, as Ethan and his doctor are playing chess.
For everyone but Ethan, time stops.
Ethan finds himself able to move about freely, but for exactly one hour, the world stops frozen around him. That hour passes for him and him alone, and he can now explain the number 13 on his clock's face. It happens again at noon, then at midnight, and so on. Twice a day, the rest of the world freezes, leaving Ethan to do whatever he wishes, unopposed.
It all seems like harmless fun until Henrietta falls ill again. Whatever is ailing her this time proves unstoppable, sapping her life force until she's finally too tired to take another breath. Although it doesn't happen right away, Ethan eventually discovers a connection between his extra two hours a day, his wife's passing and "that damnable machine." Meanwhile, we listeners get to observe the destructive power of Ethan's new addiction -- something that proves well beyond the reach of any twelve-step program.
One of my big objections to horror stories is that so many of them require stupid protagonists to work. "Time and Again" comes awfully close to that cliché, but much of its suspense comes from watching Ethan finally "get it." Anyway, it worked out for my nieces and my nephew when they were grade-schoolers. They got to experience the creepiness, while avoiding the gore that had become too common in horror movies even in 1974. It would work as well in a Goosebumps novella as it did for adults 37 years ago.
