The Bachmanns' unfunny corn-dog joke

Yeehaw!  You go, Optimus!

With Texas governor Rick Perry coming on board as a GOP Presidential candidate, Michele Bachmann's campaign will probably fade.  Perry's a gun-totin', macho man from Texas (just like his predecessor, George W. Bush), so conservative evangelicals will probably fall behind him.  For now, though, Bachmann still holds the Dominionist banner.  However quickly Perry's campaign overtakes hers, those corn-dog pictures that have won such attention last week still hold a lesson for those of us who would like to keep her like out of power.

I've wondered why Michele hasn't more forcefully defended her husband Marcus against all the questions and jokes about his sexuality.  It's not that he doesn't deserve criticism regarding his counseling of gays.  Those "pray away the gay" tactics Marcus has used in his practice are offensive.

The Bachmanns, unlike fellow fundamentalist-Christian favorites Perry, Bush and Sarah Palin, are hard-core Dominionists.  I don't think Bush has even wondered whether he is one, but he did appeal to them.  Palin is one, but she's more like the lead choir singer at Sunday services than an actual church official.  Perry isn't one, yet, although he has quite consciously moved into their corner.  Unlike any of them, the Bachmanns know what they are preaching.

Given that the Bachmanns's beliefs include "complementarian theology," which boils down to the notion that wives must submit their husbands, you'd think that Michele's candidacy contradicts itself.  How, after all, can a woman rule a nation is she is subservient to her husband?  Shouldn't Marcus be the one running for the White House?  What's wrong with him, anyway?  At face value, it's Michele's Dominionist supporters who should be going at her in weapons-free mode.

Michele can answer that:  wifely submission serves the larger goal submitting to God.  I would imagine that some of her supporters also think that Marcus's counseling would be much better served with Michele running the Oval Office.  Not all Dominionists buy those arguments; some would still feel obligated to attack the Bachmanns.  But even then, why bother, when their common enemies are doing all the hard work for them?  This way, Dominionists (and the rest of the Fox News set) can yet again pretend the victims of the godless pinko Muslim pagan Communist socialist heathen mutants who supposedly dominate the mainstream media.

Enter these photos of the foot-long corn dog:

A starburst in every bite.  Oh, wait:  this isn't Caribou Barbie, is it?

You know what they tell me?  The Bachmanns have decided to stop fighting all the questions about Marcus's sexuality.  If they really cared about quelling the rumors once and for all, they would have just stayed away from the corn-dog lines in Ames.  They've seen all the phallic jokes, and now they're just playing along.

Sometimes a corn dog is just a corn dog.  And sometimes it's a big, fat middle finger to the world.

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Friday Double: (6) The intransigent black hole

First, a quick observation on media coverage of the debt-ceiling hostage situation:  the word "intransigent" describes a driver who crawls down the road at 20 mph below the speed limit and then refuses to let anyone else pass.  Technicaly, it's possible to use "intransigent" to describe the Osama bin Ladens, Agosto Pinchets and Anders Breviks of the world -- but that seems woefully inadequate, doesn't it?  Given their grim determination to shove the United States through an event horizon, House Republicans shouldn't be described as "intransigent," either.

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Event horizons, as suggested by the teabaggers, were my initial excuse for this week's Friday Double picks.  These are the parts of black holes from which neither matter nor light can escape.  My original plan for today was to just post a couple of pieces of music with black-hole motifs.

Leave it to U.S. Soccer hand me a new excuse to pile on top of the first.  Men's national team coach Bob Bradley, whose firing I had been hoping to see following last month's Gold Cup debacle, got the sack yesterday.  No word on whether Bradley chose paper or plastic.

Click to hear how I feel about this development.

This pretty overture is exactly that -- the overture to The Black Hole (1979).  For a barely watchable piece of unintentionally funny science fiction, it's an enormous part of Hollywood film history.

• It was the first movie Disney ever produced for an audience that didn't include younger children.  The movie succeeded well enough to eventually spawn the Touchstone Pictures and Hollywood Pictures studios, and, from there, the Disney empire we know and love.
• Its John Barry score was the first to ever be digitally recorded.
• After this and Star Trek: The Motion Picture, no mainstream Hollywood movie ever includes an overture.

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Jürgen Klinsmann (Wikipedia)

Back to U.S. Soccer.  Today, the federation named former German head coach Jürgen Klinsmann to succeed Bradley.  If the deal leaves Klinsmann the control over the men's program he wanted five years ago, this could be a good thing.  But his actual coaching resume is mixed.  He did take the Germans into the 2006 World Cup semifinals at home, and he did lead Bayern Munich deep into the UEFA Champions League.  But both terms were short, and Bayern didn't do so well in the Bundesliga under his reign.

As it turns out, the main title to John Barry's Black Hole score expresses my feelings about Klinsmann's hiring.  Bradley left the men's program in worse shape than many of my fellow U.S. soccer fans seem to think, so I'm only willing to give him a 2-in-3 chance of success.  If he fails, it won't be all his fault.

Either way, click and enjoy the main title.

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That's no dog whistle

When New Gingrich calls Barack Obama "the food-stamp president," should that be interpreted as a racist dog-whistle, as some cable-news anchors are suggesting?  No amount of GOP standard-issue proselytizing about the benefits of tinkle-down economics can hide the fact that applying the term "food stamp" to a non-white politician is just plain racist.  Yes, white people do use food stamps, but when politicians invoke that term -- or any other phrase that implies poverty -- they're almost always hoping that potential voters first think of African Americans.  It's racist code, and that makes it red meat for racist neo-Confederates who invariably support demagogues like Gingrich.

Of course it's not a dog whistle, you cable-news morons.  Its a f*cking bullhorn, mounted atop a f*cking SUV that's clogging up a busy freeway at rush hour, blaring its f*cking racially-coded message to commuters who'd rather be listening to music.

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The Defenders of 9/11

Mark Lennihan/AP, via the NPR Web site

When President Obama defended the Córdoba House project last Friday, I was sure that all the posturing from the GOP would have ended.  Silly me.  This isn't the party of Eisenhower, Nixon, or even Reagan; it's a loudmouthed collection of racists, Dominionists, warmongers and old-school fascists* who might well dismiss Joseph McCarthy as a commie pinko.  Of course, they were going to try turning Córdoba House into a campaign issue.  For Republican campaigners, there's nothing but win.  Who cares if innocent Muslims get demonized yet again? They aren't voting GOP anyway.  The real points are to (a) rally the teabagger base and (b)trick Democrats into demoralizing their base, again.

One thing I've yet to see, though, is a direct connection to "9/11" -- not the actual 2001 attacks, but the metaphorical cudgel that the Cheney-Bush cabal created from them.  I remember arguments with conservatives during the Bush years.  Anytime the right-winger sensed that he could no longer win an argument with logic, his inevitable response was to invoke 9/11.  Leave Iraq?  "No way; 9/11 changed everything."  End warrentless wiretapping? "9/11 changed everything."  Opposed to No Child Left Behind?  "Too bad; 9/11 changed everything."  [I'm not even making that last one up.]  For Bush's supporters, the attacks were a way to "unite" the nation behind even the worst Bush proposals.

But time has passed, Chimpy has retreated to Dallas and Cheney has gone back into hiding.  Most of us have put 9/11 the event in the past, where it belongs.  But in blocking Córdoba House, the Republicans are trying to bring back the trauma.  If they succeed, and they also take either house of Congress this November, they will have revived 9/11 as a weapon.  They didn't stop at Muslims the last time they used it, and there's no reason to believe they will this time, either.

In other words, the GOP must defend 9/11.  It's too important a tool for them to just let fade away.

* Supporters of increased corporate influence in government, like Mussolini and Pinochet.  Used properly, it's a more elegant word than the clunky "corporatist."

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More administrivia:  I've opened the two Victory Weighting pages to comments.  If you have more questions about the system, feel free to comment on either page.

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Late to the Confederate-bashing ball

Last week, Virginia governor Bob McDonnell, known here at the Cat as The Old Dominionist, declared April "Confederate History Month."  Studying Confederate history -- or rather, the Civil War the C.S.A. spawned in its secession attempt -- is one thing.  The war and its effects live at the core to Americans' very identity.  (Go see blog buddy Matty Boy's eloquent summary of the Confederacy and what it still means.)

Celebrating Confederate history, however, is another matter.  I've heard conservative and libertarian apologists personally tell me that the Civil War was really a conflict about states' rights.  Sure, it was -- if the most important right to was the one that let white men own slaves.  Back in Virginia, Gov. McDonnell tried to pretend, in fact, that slavery had no role in the Civil War.  That's bunk, as he surely learned when he read the Confederacy's own constitution.  It's hard, then, to interpret his declaration as anything more than the latest iteration of the Republican Party's Southern Strategy.

Whatever McDonnell intended, the ensuing attacks have been furious.  In fact, a co-dependence has developed between the modern Republican party and the South, particularly its more conservative and reactionary elements.  Attacking that particular relationship is okay.  Modern conservatism sucks, no matter where it is espoused.  Expanding that attack to target the South as a whole, however, is problematic.

For example, calling on Texas to secede just because it's dominated by its own GOP might feel good.  Heck, I've felt like doing that, if only because it will rid us of Rick "Goodhair" Perry and his crony-capitalist toll-road schemes.  At times, I've felt like I've had some authority to do it.  I was born in Texas; I've spent a third of my life there; and almost all my extended family still calls it home.  At one point, however, my immediate family was spread from North Carolina to Northern California, and from Arizona to Minnesota.  None of us, however, has lived in Texas since early 1995.  The political climate outside Austin has just been too much for us to endure.

On the other hand, because my family was in Texas when it was still Mexican territory, I don't feel attacked when others criticize the South, its slavery-afflicted past or its current state.  It's clear to me that attacks on the Confederacy and its continuing influence aren't about us, the descendants of Mexicans.  The real targets are -- or should be -- racialist white mendicants who, like McDonnell, Perry and Mississippi governor Hayley Barbour, keep invoking the stillborn C.S.A. as a campaign tactic.

It isn't that broadly attacking the South doesn't inflict collateral damage.  Over the past week, I've seen progressive Southerners (white and otherwise) take offense to the attacks in blog comments.  It's understandable; I've never seen any of them claim that the Confederacy is a purely positive part of their heritage.  But clearly, many white Southerners -- and a distressingly high number of whites in my corner of the North -- openly wave the Confederate flag.  If those folks feel like targets, well, maybe they should.

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